To Poo or Not To Poo? That is The Question!

Image sourced from Google

Ok so over the past few weeks the topic of using the bathroom in front of your other half has popped up quite a few times in conversation. Up until this point I liked to consider myself quite an easy going, relaxed and open minded girlfriend until some of my friends said that it’s ok to have a poo in front of your Boyfriend.

Call me a Prude or whatever the hell you like, but I was absolutely horrified at the thought of this, as I personally think that you’ve got to draw the line somewhere and if you’re unsure of where that line should be… I would suggest you draw it here!
Like I said I consider myself to be easy going and open minded but I draw the line of relationship etiquette at peeing and farting in front of each other. I have friends who wouldn’t even dare take a shit in their boyfriends’ toilet with the door locked and the music on blast let alone fart in front of him! Now to me that’s Prude title worthy behaviour!

Every relationship has that stage of not being able to fart in front of the other person, as the fear of the smell and sound takes over, so you opt to hold it in and watch your belly swell with wind, until you can’t take it anymore because the chances of any sexy time with all that going on are pretty slim to none, so you strategically inject your exit plan. But as you spend more and more time with each other, your exit plans will become more and more unnecessary, so you just have to swallow your pride and let one rip and pray to God that their sense of humour is good enough to have a laugh (with you) about how bad your arse smells! And if they are simply repulsed by your behaviour then consider it a good test for your relationship, because if they can’t even have a laugh about such natural behaviour then may the forces be with you.

So how is farting and having a number two in front of your significant other so different that one deserves a pass where the other does not even require a test for the result of a big fat FAIL!
Both bodily activities are natural I’ll give you that, but farting can be funny where pooing is a very private and personal thing. Honestly do you really enjoy taking a relaxing bath of a refreshing shower for your lover to burst into the bathroom, pants down and all blast off? How! And again I ask how can you look at them again through sexy eyes?!

Pooing is such a detailed thing that should only between you and the toilet and in extreme cases your doctor. I do not under any circumstances think you need to share this relationship between you and your arse between you and your hottie! When I explained this to my friend she asked me “but what if they really need to go?” erm this is why you move in to a place with two toilets so that when one is occupied the other is waiting to attend to your needs! If you don’t have a house with two toilets then here’s what you do… Before taking a long sensual bath you ask if anyone needs to go to the loo, and if by chance during your bath time you find your partner at the door demanding you let them in because their arse is about to explode… you get out of the bath, Kiss your teeth and let them in while you wait outside an incense stick ready and burning!

This is not extreme behaviour; this is Relationship Etiquette Behaviour (REB). I could not take a dump in front of a man and then expect him to find me to be a sexy motherfucker later on that night, week or month! And there is no way that a man could do the same in front of me and expect me to have a ‘let’s get it on and poppin’’ attitude later that night, week or month!

I am a firm believer that you should always be 100% comfortable in any mental and physical relationship that you have. But I also believe that you have to be careful not to get 1000% comfortable, because for me this is right up there with ‘I’m just gonna let it ALL hang out 24/7!’ attitude, and that my friends should never be the case!

There are certain things in a relationship that I believe should remain a mystery and the sound of your shit and the faces that you pull whilst taking one should be one of them! (Can you even imagine if it was similar to the sex face they pull? I would die!!!)

This is not to say that if my other half was to ever one day become ill and literally could not even wipe their own behind, that I would think twice about doing it for them, because that just how strong my love is! But if you are fully bodied and abled I expect you to deal with your shit in private by yourself!

Maybe one day my outlook on this will change but until then keep your shit to your self-lovers!
Love Sara (A lady who just realised she’s a bit more Lady Like than she thought!) xxxx

Playing Dress Up Never gets Old

As you may have noticed my blogs have taken a little detour down Fashion Avenue recently. This is because after 9 months my soul simply cannot take strictly office attire for five days a week! I never thought that these word would leave my mouth but I actually miss working in Retail! Wow... there it is, those words that I vowed never to say. But to hell with it, the truth is what it is.

Although working set times every day is great because you know exactly what time it is when the clock strikes 5 every day, or the fact that you don't have to deal with some arsey customer with ridiculous expectations, or with that floor manager that takes their job WAY too seriously, or being greeted by the occasional little pleasant little surprise in the fitting room i.e shit, piss or spunk! (yes there some down right nasty mother suckers in this world who do this shit!). Even though working in retail requires thick skin and a lot more physical work than being sat behind a desk 35 hours a week I can't help but miss it.

I've always enjoyed meeting new people and retail was the perfect place for this, I met all kinds of people, I met beautiful people, smelly people, demanding people and friendly people I even met Amy Winehouse back in her good days when she wasn't slurring about the place, and I built up relationships with regular shoppers which always made work pleasant on bad days, even if there were a little crazy.

By not being in this environment I've realised how much it used to inspire me! Everyone had a story and everyone had a style and on top of that I got to admire and touch beautiful clothes all day. I used to be the Joke of the Accessories team or as we liked to call ourselves... The A team! I used to reserve so much clothes, but it always started as one item and each and every time I would explain what jeans, skirt, top, shoes and accessories would go with that one item! I didn't even realise I did this until they told me! What can I say I always saw the vision.

So now not working in this environment I often feel uninspired in so many areas of my life as I'm lacking variety. I go shopping all the time but it's no use as I end up buying killer heels and clothes that are way to casual or special for the office, so they end up sitting in my wardrobe, on my wardrobe doors, on the back of my door and hidden in my Dads room because I have little time to wear them and little space to keep them.

But today I have been going out of my mind with boredom as I am sick and house-bound! So I decided to play dress up! and who knew that a 24 year old girl would have so much fun doing so!

It brought back memories of my sister and I when we were little playing dress up in my moms old clothes and shoes that she used to keep in a lovely wicker basket for us both to play with. I remember dressing up all the time in my sisters room and wearing my moms amazing 80's pink and purple leather pointed stilettos, but I think I grew a bit wary of the Purple pair as I remember barley being 4 years old and attempting the stairs in a size 5 pair of stilettos, with my dolly in my arms which of course resulted in me taking a tumble down the stairs which my mom found absolutely hilarious and could barley comfort me through her laughter! I have no shame in saying that I strongly disliked her for a while after that because I remember thinking "if my Daddy was here he would never have laughed at me!".

But let's get back to today. As I said dressing up was so much fun and really got my creative juices flowing, you see I have a Hen party to go to next week with a killer theme (which I'm not sure if I can reveal at this stage.. But don't worry I will report back, maybe not everything but I shall be reporting something!) Anywho it's funny how the things that you do as kids are still so much fun when you grow up but can also work out to to become a career, hobby or the odd project here and there.

After my stylish afternoon I no longer feel bad about all the clothes that I have and all the space that they take up, I could dress a whole female sports team with the clothes that I own and I take great pleasure in knowing that they would look damn good too.

I still miss retail but not as much as I did before playing dress up! although it was a fun and inspiring environment to work in, it isn't one that I necessarily need to go back into to feel inspired .

If you're anything like me and sometimes feel uninspired, I suggest you try doing something that you enjoyed doing as a kid, no matter how silly it may be, you'll never know what you get from it, after all kids do have the best imaginations, so get in touch with you inner child and get inspired maties!


Image: Sourced from Goolge

Love Sara (A Little lady who STILL loves playing dress up!) xxxx